In response to annoying allegations that fluoride is a neurotoxin, a joint Pentagon-FDA study determined that not one, but several chemicals deserve reclassification. FDA spokesman and renowned humanitarian, Dr. Hadolf Itler, at a nationally televised press conference, delivered the results to a stunned audience.
1) Mercury has been misunderstood for such a long time. The problem, according to new age practitioners, is that “you have to believe it to achieve it”. We now believe mercury is a “health supplement,” therefore it is.
2) Aspartame is now a food group, which makes diet soda an everyday staple, like milk or “White Russians”.
3) Nutrients are the number one cause of cancer. Nothing can live without them, and this must be stopped!
4) Vitamin C causes more deaths per year than all the other vitamins combined. People are dying, and as they do, they take more vitamins. There is a clear correlation between the two.
5) The practice of drinking raw milk must be eradicated. Rome, Greece, and Egypt, they all drank it raw, and look what happened to them!
6) But most importantly, our perception of fluoride has long been contaminated by mere observation. As it turns out, fluoride is actually a vegetable. And not only is it good for the teeth, but what we did not know is that it is an aphrodisiac, as well!
“Here is a clear example of the Beatitudes being put into practice, said Dr. Mengele (not THE Dr. Mengele, but his dear nephew, Klaus.) didn't they say something about ‘an eye sore for an eye’? Well, if you follow this diet, that is exactly what will happen.”