Some Cry Wolf
In a surprise move, Federal officials gathered on the White House Lawn
this morning to discuss the nature of "chemtrails". Senior science
advisor, Dr. Boris Brezhnev, stated to the Press (in a thick Russian
Brogue), "Funny, we never noticed them before. Just because jet exhaust
spreads out and covers the whole sky, that does not have to mean
anything, right? Also, I have cataracts. We all do. They are so bad I
can not even see that plane spewing out jet exhaust, which turns into a
perpetual haze. Well, enjoy the sunshine. And have some caviar, on us!"
However, the Angry Citizen with a Microphone, a new addition to the
Press Corps, retorted, "Not so fast, comrade. Do you think I'm retarded?
Quick question. Why are you filling the sky up with barium? I demand an
Comrade Brezhnev responded, "Perhaps you misunderstood me, citizen? The
purpose of this announcement was to vaguely address the issue, and then
eat caviar. We tested the caviar already for barium, and there was none
in it. So why are you spoiling my lunch?"
But the Angry Citizen just grew angrier." Can I speak to somebody else?
Could someone, anyone, please tell me why the sky is being poisoned?"
Just then, the distinguished Dr. Kalashnikov intervened, thankfully
correcting him. "Perhaps your mother never told you, it is impolite to
speak about poison before a meal? Now. Do you want caviar, or don't
"What I want is answers. And for you guys to start using contractions, if you don't mind?"