Thursday, October 31, 2013

Humor! - Long Live Francesylvania

Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf

The White House has announced preemptively that America has been spying on its allies for an unspecified amount of time, prompting the world to respond, "what allies"?

"Ugg", said the White House. "We're totally offended. We have lots of friends. For instance, Latvinscandinovia and Englesbekistan. In fact, they came over just last night. And while we enjoyed their trust, we spied on them. Win-win."

Presidential spokesman James Carney stated, "Perhaps our strongest friendship is with Francesylvania. We have enjoyed a strategic partnership with them since before Columbus set sail. This is beyond dispute.  And yes, I do descend from circus performers."

Anxious reporters attempted with deft perspicacity to locate Francesylvania on the map, and, giving up, accepted the news uncritically.

Anderson Cooper, with typical grandiloquence: "Our foreign correspondents were specifically trained to avoid the bias of geography in locating countries. Logic is so passe. Relativity is a scientific principal, just ask Einstein."

And yet, our former allies and other global hotshots remain skeptical. Here is a compendium of their responses.

France: America is like that weird bully who nobody likes. France knows all about bullies. Please don't kill us now, America. 

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