Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf
Lake Eerie Newswire
With great fanfare, politicians, scientists, media gurus, and actors of
all stripes gathered at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday to declare that
they had found the man who invented God. "It's not even really worth
mentioning, except to discredit him," said all of them in unison.
The lead spokesman for the group, the one and only Prince Phillip,
explained, "Apparently he was either a caveman or a Sumerian. Everyone
was having a jolly old time, and then he had to spoil all the fun by
creating some deity. We actually located his remains, incinerated
them, and shot them at the moon as a final insult. So, like Nietzche
said, God is dead. Phew. Glad that's settled. Now, let's have some tea!"
But the Angry Citizen with a Microphone spoke up with a challenge.
"Wait. Was he a Caveman or a Sumerian. I think you're lying. And a
monster."
"He was a Sumerian and a caveman. His brain was infected with
cave fungus, which explains why he imagined such a ridiculous concept!
And everybody hated him. But since then, no one has been able to get rid
of the notion. Until today. This is a historic day, which is why we are
standing in front of the statue of "The Great Emancipator". Are you
happy now, citizen?"
"Not yet. Where did you get this information? Sumerian literature is
practically defunct. And what we do have is fragmented. I'm highly
skeptical."
"Shut up, moron. Can't you just accept everything uncritically?" hissed an adjacent reporter.
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