Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Humor! - The Sumerian Caveman Affect

Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf

Lake Eerie Newswire

With great fanfare, politicians, scientists, media gurus, and actors of all stripes gathered at the Lincoln Memorial yesterday to declare that they had found the man who invented God. "It's not even really worth mentioning, except to discredit him," said all of them in unison.

The lead spokesman for the group, the one and only Prince Phillip, explained, "Apparently he was either a caveman or a Sumerian. Everyone was having a jolly old time, and then he had to spoil all the fun by creating some deity. We actually located his remains, incinerated them, and shot them at the moon as a final insult. So, like Nietzche said, God is dead. Phew. Glad that's settled. Now, let's have some tea!"

But the Angry Citizen with a Microphone spoke up with a challenge. "Wait. Was he a Caveman or a Sumerian. I think you're lying. And a monster."

"He was a Sumerian and a caveman. His brain was infected with cave fungus, which explains why he imagined such a ridiculous concept! And everybody hated him. But since then, no one has been able to get rid of the notion. Until today. This is a historic day, which is why we are standing in front of the statue of "The Great Emancipator". Are you happy now, citizen?"

"Not yet. Where did you get this information? Sumerian literature is practically defunct. And what we do have is fragmented. I'm highly skeptical."

"Shut up, moron. Can't you just accept everything uncritically?" hissed an adjacent reporter.

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