Tuesday, October 15, 2013

SPOOF: R.I.P., HICKS

Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf

A Royal Institute for the Painting of Humanity Into a Close Korner study (R.I.P.-H.I.C.K.s) has concluded that linear thinking is now "non-essential." Instead, "asymmetrical thought" will be encouraged, focusing on such progressive principals as "pleasure without measure; "grammar without a manner;" and "family is unmanly."
MSNBC:

Prince Philip (The Just) of England is the executor of the Institute, and he assures humanity that these "incredibly brilliant" ideas have nothing to do with his comments about wanting to come back "as a killer virus" to exterminate humanity.

The Queen, in an uncharacteristic display of giddiness, declared, "The world is now mine. All mine! Hahahahaha! Ahahahaaa! Oh. Excuse me. That was not very lady-like. "

The RIP, as it is affectionately being called, will now begin work on re-writing the laws of physics, which it considers "outdated and gauche." In a statement by Prince Philip's executive committee, gravity is now considered "de clase;" and the world may or may not be flat, depending upon "which century we tell you it is." More news to follow, either preceding or proceeding this story, depending upon the whims of our world controllers.
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