Friday, December 13, 2013

Humor! - Porphyria

Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf

Russo-Chinese Newswire

In stunning news, the Incorporated Amerikan Media (I AM) has publicly declared its "woeful neglect of pertinent national issues', disclosing its collective addiction to a substance which causes "manifold ridiculousness", "partial amnesia" (in the sense of forgetting things due to partiality), and "global wanderlust".

Anderson Cooper: "It was like I woke up and actually saw what a bad job I was doing."

Bill O'reilly: "Oh. My head! Somebody get me an asperin."

Though officially undisclosed, the substance is rumored to be imported from China and/or Moscow, an intoxicating powder called "porphyria". Journalists who have gone cold turkey report experiencing "impulsive bouts of honesty", "paroxysms of patriotism", and in rare cases, the dreaded "Charles Bronson Syndrome", whereby formerly establishment journalists flip out and decide to single-handedly take on the entire system.

Chris Mathews: "Have I really been yelling at the camera like that for the past ten years? Porphyria, it's all your fault!"

All across the nation, journalistic addicts are taking the pledge to "do the news sober", without the need of any Russo-Chinese substances, smuggled in to the US by linen, with red marks and regal crests.


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