Some Cry Wolf
Headlines from across the country are proclaiming the 2014 economy to be potentially "robust" and "buxom, even". George Soros, worshipful master of the world economy, declared recently that "We are now comparing it to women's physical measurements, using cup-size as a barometer. This year we predict full figures on into plus-size model territory."
Other notables stepped in to fill the silence as well.
George Stephanopholous: "There's no where to go but up. I mean, the economy is looking very curvy. The only question is the direction of the curves."
Steve Forbes: "We're very optimistic, especially after 13 tequila shots, and our daily prozac injection. May the year 1929 bring us abundant augmentation."
But the public is skeptical, for some reason. When questioned by concerned citizens as to how the economy could possibly be "buxom", the National Economic Consortium Rotunda (NECRO) retorted "Look, morons, economic indicators no longer have any influence over reality. Optimism, euphemisms and incense are what vivify Lord Mammon. And oblations. Now, if you'll excuse us, it's time for the evening sacrifice."
(In unrelated news, virgins from all over the country are disappearing into thin air.)