Some Cry Wolf
Welcome to the brand new NSA Cable News Network, I'm your Anchor, Edward Bernays Jr.
NSA Cable News, where we allow you to watch us as we watch you, 24 hours a day and 8 Days A Week, as the Beatles say. How post modern!
Now for our top story. Satellite technology, we previously reported, had picked up a promising signal from space, somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. Even though the missing plane could not possibly be there, we still have hope. Remember Corinthians?
Disappointingly, the signal turned out to be a piece of tin foil stuck to the beak of a sea-gull, which was reflecting beams which we interpreted to be Morse Code. Our bad.
We've been tracking every bleep, blip, boom and crunch in the galaxy, with high anxiety, in our zealous quest to quantify all possible data. That is, to find the missing plane. We will continue to...
Wait. This just in. We have discovered a weak signal originating from the same general area. No. It can't be! Our men on the ground (We have men everywhere. Don't be nervous) have (I hope you're sitting down) found Amelia Earheart's missing plane, the "Canary". And what's this? It was found in the Canary Islands? Ha! You can't make stuff like that up.
Furthermore, it seems that there is a note attached to the steering column. Perhaps it will explain how it is that Mrs Earheart drifted so far off course. After all, she was supposed to be flying over the Pacific Ocean. Oh well, with news being the way it is today, I guess you can't really be surprised. Now, down to our man on the ground, nameless/faceless man in black number 6. Number 6, take it away.