Monday, April 7, 2014

Lord of the Flies - Satire!

Chris Veritas
Some Cry Wolf

Vatican News

Here is the unofficial transcript of the meeting between Pope Francis and President Obama.
We regret to inform you that it is not very flattering to mister Obama. Oh well. We must present the truth. Pope Francis begins the dialogue.

"Before we begin, Barack, I'd like to give you a Rosary. Here you are."

"Thank you. Ow! It's burning my skin. What did you put on that thing?"

"A blessing."

"Huh. I wonder what that means. Phew. I'm going to take a sip of water. I'm parched all of a sudden. (Spits out the water with a shriek). My throat is on fire! What did you put in this?"

"It's Holy Water. It's all we drink at the Vatican. Sorry. If you like, I can send down to Cafe Diablo for some Perrier?"

"Yes, do. I require constant lubrication. Don't ask me why."

"Well, shall we sit down? Please, take that comfortable leather lounge chair."

"Why, thank you. I was beginning to feel a bit tired. I... whoa! That cushion just repulsed me."

"That's odd. Although that chair did once belong to St. Lewis, great crusader and vanquisher of Islam."

"I'm beginning to feel I'm not welcome in this place. I don't know why. After all, I don't intend to destroy it, only to maim it and use it for my own glory. Is that so wrong? Speaking of this future maiming, I have a set of demands for you to carry out..."

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